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  • Writer's pictureSophie

Day 399

Updated: Sep 27, 2023

Rewrite of the end of a pilot of a TV show I wrote:


Anna walks away and starts adjusting an ugly dressed mannequin. All of a sudden, the lights go out. An emergency siren starts going off and everyone looks up at the ceiling. Tons and tons of water starts pouring out from the ceiling, prompting everyone to run. The screen fades to black.

WILL

Oh my God!

MARTY

Take cover!

All of the teens start hiding under any furniture they can find, a desk, a shelf, some using mannequins as human shields.

An emergency siren starts sounding ballistically.

DAKOTA

What do we do?

TYLER

I don’t think there’s much for us to do, I think we’ve got to wait this out.

All of a sudden, the water starts to get way worse, to the point where no one can see.

TYLER

Scratch that, we’ve gotta get out of here.

ANNA

Here take these!

Anna starts to quickly hand out ugly old womens sweaters from the stores, most of them with embroidered cats on them. Everyone puts them over their heads.

A slow motion montage starts with them running through the halls of the mall with cat sweaters over their heads. The style of filmmaking is like something out of a war movie, except with teenagers in a mall. Marty slips on the water covered floor and in slow motion screams.

MARTY

Go on without me!

WILL

But I can’t!

MARTY

You must!

Will dramatically looks back one more time and Marty nods. Will takes off without Marty as he looks on to the group.

MARTY (yelling)

Do this for me!

Everyone finally starts to see the light and busts through the double doors dramatically, all falling to the ground. They see Maureen, completely unbothered and dry, sitting on a bench playing Candy Crush.

END OF PILOT

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